it's 2.34 am but i havent gone to bed. perhaps it's cos of the nap i took, or maybe not. did you ever have this feeling when you know you shldnt be doing smth, n yet you did it... i dont know abt you. but i will feel disappointed in myself, for failing to meet my own expectations of what i should do. maybe i am too idealistic, but it just happens sometimes no matter how i remind myself that no one is perfect except God.

been posting happy posts, but now i'm questioning myself abt wht i am truly feeling. for me, i believe that there is a subconscious in everyone. subconsciously thinking/feeling that way without yourself really realising it. until a certain point when you sit down and ponder, and realise that something is happening to you..

it's 2nd month into 2008 n i must admit that the journey has been harder than i imagined it to be. not so much of physically, but emotionally, spiritually, mentally. fighting away thoughts that you know wld displease God, controlling your emotions and submitting constantly, waiting on the Lord even when there's a whole pile of work to be done n you know your friends have already completed them even before you.

some things sound easy to do, but they definitely require much more within you to accomplish and carry out the task. suddenly i've realised that tiredness of the soul is very scary, once you're tired.. you dont really care abt wht the results are or what you need to do. you forget your purpose and start complaining about life..... the list goes on.

sometimes i wonder, do i put too much pressure on myself to do things.. such that once something goes wrong, i keep saying sorry, feel bad and dont move on. i think i still do that at times.

sorry for the emoness, just penning my thoughts down. reflecting on wht is happening, have happened and now.. it's time to move on.