Just another ordinary miracle.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

11:19 PM

hello. i've realised that for the past 2.5 weeks, i've been too busy with work work and more work. this sorta "School stress" was really draining me out and i lost the joy in my heart. really. whenever i rest, i'll think of what work is there not done.. or worry that i'll forget something (knowing how blur i am) or even try to start planning how to spend my time for the next day. it was supposed to be rest time, but my mind was too active thinking and worrying.

today.. i was kind of stressed up again. there was editting to be done for PFP, teaching notes to write for comm sk, tutorial to be done for consumer banking... if there was anything to describe what i felt, i guess it would be "sighhh"

then i went for combi meeting, somemore brought my notes along to revise =S i realised i kept focusing on what i have to do for God, what i shld be doing.. and i forget what God really wants. it was my heart. my heart has been focusing on work, work and more work. even when i did my quiet time, i was still worrying about my work. and that wasnt what God wanted. he wanted me to put them all aside and seek him, to trust that he will provide everything i need even if i was "doing nothing"

i guess it's smth i've learnt. through our thanksgiving.. i could sense the joy in the air. God was happy at our testimonies and rejoicing with us as we declared our victories. even as we each gave thanks, i realised that we all could have what we have now because he has blessed us with it and nothing else. i guess i've been giving myself credit for "how far i hv come" and forgot that i have what i have because God first gave.

it's a really good reminder to me, that apart from God i truly am nothing. altho many times i felt tt things were successful because of my own effort, but if God didnt bless the work.. what would have been the end results? i think i know the answer.