helloo. been awhile since i last came to this page. life hasnt been fantastic.. going through alot of different trainings at the same time. but all revolves around the same thing, to teach me how to have a heart after God. (not tt i'm unhappy abt it. dont get me wrong)

i wouldnt say i've been thinking alot recently.. in fact thinking much less, and using my heart to understand things more. but somehow, the more i do that.. the more i tio (in di's terms). the pain never seems to end, one training stops and the other begins shortly after. sometimes i find it hard to continue believing.. yet when i think about the times when God has saved me, i cant deny the fact that he's doing this because he loves me.

i believe many of us do struggle with having faith in God at times.. when everything around you seems to go wrong and nothing feels like it's right. when you feel that you're caught in the storm and no matter how hard you try to get out, you're still stuck inside.

i rmbed on tuesday / wednesday. i was so down, i just wanted to shut the whole world out (perhaps i was too tired) and then the song, Could i ever by planetshakers, played.

When I woke up today
And thought of all the things You’d done
I find myself here
Feeling oh so overcome

You gave Your life away for me
Truly my heart belongs to You
So let me say

How could I ever thank You for
What You did at Calvary
When You bled and died for me
How could I ever turn away
Knowing that You paid the price
That I could never pay

When I think of the way
That You died upon that Cross
Bearing my sin
Even though my heart was lost

You gave Your life away for me
Truly my heart belongs to You
So let me say

How could I ever thank You for
What You did at Calvary
When You bled and died for me
How could I ever turn away
Knowing that You paid the price
That I could never pay
--

cant find the video for it.. but it's a nice song. reminded me of wht Jesus did for me on the cross, and how could i have wanted to walk away from the one who saved my life.. i really dont know.