i was walking home today, decided tt it was a good opportunity for saving some bus fare.. and boy, i didnt know what was in store for me. my usual walks involve alot of stoning and random thoughts.. but today's different. things connected in an extraordinary way. like, God was using my very own thoughts (perhaps emo ones?) to speak to me.

i dont even know where to begin. it's about a concept i've been telling myself, but not fully understanding it with my heart. you know, some things can be understood in your mind and yet not fully understood.

basically, God spoke to me tt... he really values and loves each one of us as much. havent you always felt awed at the fact that God can actually do that? yes, he loves you regardless of your looks. yes, he loves you regardless of whether you know him. yes, he loves you regardless of your personality and even.. your deepest thoughts (if you get wht i mean).

well, i have. perhaps i am both simple and complicated. complicated because i never really believe that things are always that simple, yet simple because i realise that even if they are complicated.. i cant do much about it.

so today, i was walking home.. and i noticed my surroundings much more than usual. looked at the trees and just had this thought, how does God handle this? making something so natural yet beautiful at the same time? no.. he doesnt create just the plain, he creates with each detail which matters. the leaves of a tree, leaves have different vein structure isnt it? but do we notice? for me, i dont really.. i just notice the green colour.

but the point is, he creates the plain and the detailed. yet he loves both. but arent both the exact opposite of the other? doesnt tt remind you of urself at times.. were there times when you just cant stand someone who is so different from you? yet at the same time, there are people whom are so different from you which you are close with. ironic? i guess.. from this i learnt tt life is about a mixture of everything. about balance. too much of something good can actually be bad for us, and yes. a little of something bad may not be all that bad after all.

dont get me wrong.. i am not saying committing crimes is good, nor is being selfish something which shld b advocated. but let's face it, we arent perfect as much as we want to be. we do things which are wrong at times.. sometimes we continue, but sometimes when we do something bad (eg. gossiping with others) and realise how much hurt it can bring to someone. we do stop gossiping so much from before, and isnt tt something good?

ya. and after looking at the trees, i saw the skies. it was seriously quite ironic. on one side of it, it was all white and full of clouds. yet on the other, it was nearly all blue with some small clouds here and there. so which one do you think is nicer? can you indefinitely say tt the white one is nicer? that was what i thought.. i thought the white was extremely nice. yet after staring too long at it, it seemed less pretty in comparison with the blue sky.

doesnt it just show us one thing? that there isnt anything which is indefinitely ugly/bad/un-nice, even though it seems like the case when we are in the situation. it lies in our perceptions.. well, hmm not convinced? think abt it this way, have you had times when you really hated say, the colour pink? and a few years later, you loved it so much that nearly all your valuables had some of that colour in it?

then.. is the colour pink nice, or not? my answer wld be, it is nice. it has always been. just tt at one point, we preferred other colours and after some time, we realised tt it was nice as well.

God showed me that, that's how he loves us. that's why he views each of us as beautiful, precious and lovely. because we have always been approved to him, regardless of what we hv done/will do/look. why? because we are his creation.. (not forgetting the importance of confessing our sins and acknowledging him as our personal Lord and saviour)

of course i admit it is not smth we can fully grasp. like how God can view someone nasty as approved? or how someone who only thinks of himself/herself first, as someone who he loves? that's where the difference between us and God is. but we can slowly learn.. to love those we hate, to love those who are different from us, to love those who seem so unworthy of our love.

i have not learnt tt art of loving completely.. and tt's why i'm on this on-the-job training/learning with God. where he teaches me, the very things i do not want to do.

God bless! whoever you are. even if you dont know me, or i dont know you. :)