Just another ordinary miracle.

Friday, August 31, 2007

10:58 PM

i feel so frustrated and just so useless. why? i dont wanna say it here. sometimes in life, you dont mind death coming earlier so tt you can go to heaven sooner. altho i know i'm so not ready to meet God.

cant really hear God recently. it's like, talking to him has become more and more like a monologue. i wonder is it cos i unintentionally shutted him out, or is it tt it's smth i've gotta go through? i've heard frm some ppl that there are the desert periods. where you dont hear or feel God in your life.. and things just dont go your way. mine isnt so bad, yet. but i know the journey will only get tougher, not easier. what can i do? but trust God.. but its so tough. i'm feeling tired. i wanna give up. i guess i shldnt.. it's just suddenly alot of negative thoughts in my mind. abt no one caring and all. reminds me of all the pain and disappointment.

no.. i wanna b strong. i will continue this walk. whether or not i feel/hear him. i know he's with me. i must not give up, for his plans for my life are to prosper me and not to harm me. God has been so good to me, despite all tt is happening. sometimes i just feel so foolish. why cant i just let go? holding on brings so much pain and suffering.