WARNING: very very emo post ahead. read at your own risk..
don't say I didnt warn you.
you really want to read it? erm. mayb you shldnt... =/
ok.. enough warnings. you chose to read it.
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alright.. here goes. I really dunno wht to say of myself. I guess I'm starting to be in this period of life where, nothing about me seems good? (in my perception tt is) and I'm like.. wanting to change so many things [be it character, personality (are they the same?), looks (yes, haiz poly does affect you), abilities (if only I can) etc]
and ya.. been sharing wht I feel with God, din wanna share with my frens because.. I believe they hv their fair share of problems & worries. and as usual, I keep lots of things to myself. I dont know.. but I really detest myself now. dont ask me why.. I dont even understand why too. perhaps I've focussed too much on my bad sides, perhaps I'm over reacting (very possible too), perhaps.. like the saying goes "you are your worst critic"
and I just find it so frustrating. tt I cant change the fact tt I cant do much to change myself? I hv tried. and yes. you can tell me, keep trying dont gv up. it is possible.
not to offend anyone.. but do you nt think I know these alr? yes I know, and recognize these words all too well. it's constantly repeated to myself (be it thru God or frens or me telling it to myself..) but ya. it just gets very frustrating. very very. i dont know if i am irritated at myself or what.. but ya. i wanna find back my old self which isnt so critical.. or perhaps i hv been so critical since a very long time ago. oh yes, tt's true (i know i know, i'm talking to myself now)
i cant seem to bring myself to accept the way i am. perhaps becos i've been feeling this way for awhile. grah. it's nt tt i feel worthless, now it's a different sort of feeling. maybe slightly better than worthless then. it's the feeling tt i lack so much, and there r alot of things abt myself which i hate. yes, hating things abt myself.. wht a great thing to do. but still, i dont feel worthless. probably because God has healed tt part of me? now it's another phase.. another level to go through.
so. is this abt the prob of self acceptance? possible. but yet.. haiz. i cant deny my flaws can i? wht to do now? i dont know... perhaps i shld just gv myself some time to be myself again.
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